Life Update

So life happened.  A LOT of life happened.

Long story short I burned out massively in my mental a year ago and completely lost my drive and motivation for work.  It was bad, REALLY bad.  I am the type/kind to always place blame on myself, ask what I could have done better, how could I have reacted better.  Could I have been more hard working?  Could I have done more to fix the issues instead of literally mentally flaming out?

In a nutshell, I basically mentally checked out from my job.  That reaction is on me.  I should not have done that.  But I was in a mental rut and spiraling out of control quickly.  It has been a long time coming but at the time I completely blamed myself for ending up in that situation, but now I’ve come to a point where while I refuse to hold much of any resentment for it, I firmly believe the blame does not rest completely on me for where things have come.  I am not innocent, but I am not at fault either.

But at the same time, I realized that my staying at my old (yes I said old) job would not be mutually beneficial.  I did not believe I was in a position where I would be able to continue to offer what was expected of me anymore, both in terms of my being able to output the expected production, nor my confidence that there was trust enough in what I put out to be considered good enough.  And I would be doing a disservice to my old job to pretend it would get better, it would not, irregardless of how much effort would be put in by either side.  So I left.  3 weeks ago.

Yeah I’ve been jobless and paycheckless for 3 weeks.  3 weeks of no work, so no money, but bills gotta be paid.  Car’s gotta be paid, House’s gotta be paid, Phone and Internet and Utilities? Gotta be paid.

It’s also been 3 weeks coming to grips with this reality.  I’m a computer engineering major.  I’ve spent 7 years doing absolutely no engineering/development.  And I didn’t prepare myself for this reality.  Because 7 years ago, I fully believed that I would be at that job until the day I grew old and retired.

Instead I’ve gotta take a new opportunity.  But with new opportunities comes new things to now figure out.  Gonna be leaving everything I’ve grown up seeing and pack up and move out and see the rest of the US LOL.

But I kinda like the adventure.  I’m a homebody that loves staying in, but there’s still a small curiosity in me that likes being satisfied sometimes, a tiny thirst for adventure and enjoyment of new experiences.

Weathering With You

Ok so…..the title is self explanatory.

I indulged in some more Shinkai Makoto goodness and watched his latest movie in theatres.  SO HERE. ARE. MY. THOUGHTS. AND. OBSERVATIONS.

 

It’s kind of interesting since they teased a little bit of “post credits content” by revealing there would be an extended interview with Shinkai Makoto after the credits but the blurb right before was part of the interview where Shinkai Makoto said something like “Your Name was surprisingly (LOL LIAR NOT A SURPRISE BUT OK) successful and so he wanted to make a next movie that appealed on a more international scale”.  And I went in thinking, “I wonder how many people will come in thinking this is going to be another Kimi No Na Wa, with a happy-ish ending/etc”.  Because in my opinion, Kimi No Na Wa in itself was a bit of anomaly.

I’ve seen most of Shinkai Makoto’s movies.  They’re spectacular, amazing, eye candy that assaults my senses.  But Shinkai Makoto has an obsession with symbolisms of distance, in any way possible.  His movies have endings that make you think “what? wait, the movie’s over?”  If you are used to like say…Studio Ghibli movies/other anime movies which are like spinoffs/one shots of other series, they often have some sort of conclusory end.  In a way, Shinkai Makoto movies do as well, but they can be jarring/unexpected for people not used to or expecting it.  Maybe because with Shinkai Makoto movies, while there is an “end” or some sort of descent from the climactic moment, at the same time it doesn’t feel as much of an end and feels more abrupt because it often feels like the end came too early, that there’s still more descent to be made, there’s still more life for the main characters to live.  This is true in many other anime movies, but the descent from the climax feels more fleshed out.  Shinkai Makoto leaves the rest to your imagination, to your fan theories. And such is the same with Weathering With You.

It’s almost criminal that I am going to take a section to talk about Kimi No Na Wa in a blog post about a different movie when I haven’t even talked about anything in Weathering With You yet, but I’m going to because it adds context, and hopefully provides a foundation for my thoughts on this latest Shinkai Makoto offering, also because I am still unpacking my feelings.

For anyone that saw me when I watched Kimi No Na Wa, they saw someone who at the end was literally writhing in his seat because he couldn’t believe Shinkai Makoto was going to do something he literally never does, he was going to kind of have closure to a story, in a “feel good” sort of way.  But at the same time, the writing was also because DEEP DOWN INSIDE THERE WAS A FEAR OF A JEBAIT.  A thought of “IT WOULD TOTALLY BE SHINKAI MAKOTO TO DO THIS AND THEN JUST BE LIKE LOLOLOL THE END MORE AMBIGUOUS STUFF HAVE A NICE DAY”.  Especially because the end was incredibly reminiscent of the ending parts of 5cm/s.  The potential of reuniting in spring, the coincidence of both happening to be in the same place at the same time, the train passing each other in which they could have seen each other, especially as there were still memories lingering.  BUT THEN SHINKAI DID THE THING 5CM DIDN’T.  HE ALLOWED THEM TO MEET. THE TWO PEOPLE WHO DIDN’T MEET IN 5CM WERE ABLE TO ACTUALLY MEET IN KIMI NO NA WA.

But enough about the past, this is Weathering With You.  Let’s start off with the completely obvious.  If you’re watching a Shinkai Makoto movie, you’re watching because you want the scenery to be beautiful, to remind you that the world is beautiful, with stuff that is incredibly pleasing to the eye, that something like that actually exists and is possible.  Shinkai Makoto as we’ve already established, is incredibly obsessed with symbolism/motifs of loneliness, distance, relationship, bonds, connection.  Anything is fair game for representing that. Even the weather.  Rain is commonly associated with dreariness, coldness, sadness, possibly even emptiness, whereas on the opposite, Sunshine is warm, happy, you go out and have picnics, play out in the sun.  Such is the diametrically opposite opinions that is normally associated with the two.  And yet in this movie, it’s almost like the opposite happens.  A boy initially starts off running away from everything, refusing to return from what he associates as sad.  Of course it’s raining at the time, but there is the symbol and theme that the weather around him truly reflects the “weather” that’s inside him.  It’s so cliche and cringey but this entire movie can be summed up as “boy finds the sunshine amidst the rain in his life”, or “in his world of rain, he finds the one that clears up and lights up his world”. It’s not a spoiler i guess to say that one of the central things is that one of the characters is a person that’s somehow able to control the weather and will the rain to stop, i.e. is a “sunshine girl”.  But the way in which they create a lore around it and interweave it is amazing.  But also at the same time, you see ABSOLUTE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. BOY BECOMES MAN, MATURE.  But you also get a reversal of sorts.  Because the boy is now forced to make a choice.  What defines his happiness, is it the sunshine/clear weather that the girl brings.  Or is the girl herself his happiness.  It’s the everlasting question of love isn’t it?  What brings the happiness, is it the acts of kindness, the love language the other presents to you, or is it the person themselves that make you happy?  The boy who faces a choice, does he make a choice for himself, be selfish?  Or does he become the “hero” who sacrifices his own joy for the benefit of others.  The movie thematically creates scenarios, questions, in which you question, what is “good”?  What is “right”?

When the final scene played and then almost suddenly it feels like the movie ends because the credits start rolling I immediately was like “what? that’s it? that’s Shinkai Makoto for you” and initially brushed it off as “whelp it’s just like his other stuff and slightly different from Kimi No Na Wa’s ending”.  But then I had to doubletake because I had to think “is it different? are the situations and scenarios different?”  And I realized, you know what, it’s not that dissimilar.  Shinkai Makoto has yet again created a wonderful piece, one that I would not mind going back through many many times, as I do with all of his other works because the wonderful thing about Shinkai Makoto is that the more you peel away at the layers, the more beautiful everything becomes about what he gives to us.  The more you start to notice, see, realize, and when it hits you, that’s when you realize what a jerk Shinkai Makoto is.  Because when that moment hits, you’ll never be able to quit watching his stuff and allowing him to take you on wild rides of revelation, realization, and emotions.

Violet Evergarden episode 1

Ok so I’m starting to watch anime again and heard decent things about this at the time I was watching darling in the franxx. I also wanted to try actually writing thoughts as each episode went instead of after the entire series is done. We shall see how successful or effective I find it. This will also be likely disjointed as I’m literally going to be probably word vomiting my thoughts as they come while I watch the episode. Maybe hopefully I string it together eventually. Either way, we begin.

So it starts out with I guess our titular character in the hospital and then is visited by a Lt. Colonel. So clearly she’s from the military. We also then find out she’s asking where the Major she served under is or if he’s alive. They’re being deliberately vague about it which hints at an obvious later plot point or conflict. Immediate assumption, he’s probably dead and they don’t want to tell her. Why wouldn’t they want to tell her though? Because it would devastate her because he means a lot to her? Is she involved in his death? Did she kill him and doesn’t remember?

There’s a cute little moment where she’s given a stuffed puppy dog and when asked why she says because she was called the major’s dog. Several times in the episode she’s referred to as a weapon. Clearly her purpose in life is as a tool for someone else. But at this current moment she feels useless. No one telling her where the major is so she has no one to tell her or order her what to do. So that’s another obvious plot point to expand on and is an easy place to progress the plot. Make this about a girl finding a sense of purpose at a time when she feels she has lost hers. This is evident when she’s brought to the letter company and is given a “purpose there” to work. To which she then proceeds to do all the sorting without break. Then deliver mail at night that should have been mailed the next day. This shows she values having a purpose and will do everything to fele she is fulfilling what she feel is her purpose or orders, albeit possibly to an extreme fault. She probably values feeling needed and will work hard to feel she is being needed. Especially at a time when she’s only ever known to be a solider but some point in this episode she’s told “the war is over”.

In a similar vein to my observation about feeling lost with no purpose is also when she’s brought to the evergarden estate and told to think of the lady she meets “as mother” to which she replies she had no parents so there’s no need for a replacement and also that she will not be a replacement for her son. There’s a clear current issue there. One that I can easily also see as a development plot. Of one who has no family grows to find a place she has belong as a family. Possibly even also she viewed the Major as family but currently has none because he’s nowhere to be found.

She’s asked what her final order from the major was. It was “to run away and live freely”. You can sense and see she has no idea what that means. What is it to be free to a person who has only known to be told what to do, and never thinking about what they want to do. To her what she wants to do is what someone is telling her to do it seems. The war is over there are no orders for her to fight. Only to live. But she doesn’t know how. Because no one is telling her or ordering her.

Now someone comes asking her to write a letter for him. But it seems the letter he wants to write is one that resonates with her. What he is trying to say to his childhood friend is what our protagonist feels towards the Major it seems. It also turns out she’s not the one writing it’s someone else. And it amazes her that someone is able to discern someone else’s intentions. It intrigues her. How the lady was able to discern the man wanted to say “I love you”. The words we find out the Major said to violet. But she says she doesn’t understand that.

That’s a loaded statement that can go and mean several things. Is it because she’s emotionless and doesn’t understand how someone can love or what love means? Is it she knows what it means but doesn’t understand why the Major said that to her?

This episode did a pretty good job of laying down some foundations for the plot. Introduced some ideas that would be worthwhile to build and branch and grow from. It’s clear this series will be about development and change and learning. We’ll just have to see how much it does so. I’m expecting great things because I’ve heard great things. And this episode did a good job of starting it off.

The Last Empress

I bet you thought I was done writing drama reviews.  That’s ok, I did too because I don’t really watch dramas anymore.  But yet here we are.  Last post I revealed and confessed that I was watching a drama called The Last Empress.  I also said I’d write posts per episode, yeah that was clearly a lie I was too busy being a degenerate and binge watching it episodes at a time.

I haven’t even written drama reviews in so long that I forgot my usual format for these things.  I guess I’ll start off with how I found out about this drama.

I found out about this because I saw a random clip on youtube.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kj572zwnY8U this one to be exact.  And I thought “this kinda looks interesting”, and one of the comments said “I love how strong she is. She was fragile like glass. But they broke her. So now she’s the sharp pieces that seem Beautiful Because the light is reflecting off of it.” and then I was done.  You can’t tell me there’s character development like that and I don’t watch.  I LIVE FOR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, I LIVE FOR THE WEAK CHARACTER FINDING THEIR OWN INNER STRENGTH AND THEN CAUSING EARTHQUAKES WITH THE WRATH OF THEIR CLAPBACKS.  And so the rest was history, I begun watching it.

When the drama started it reminded me a bit of Princess Hours/Goong.  Set in a world in where the Korean monarchy did not end and continued into modern times.  However, this Korean monarchy, as it turns out, has a FEW skeletons in its closet.  With great power and influence, one must have a few…..sacrifices I guess.  We have the main female lead, Jang Nara, who becomes the Emperor’s wife out of convenience, a means to creating an alibi, as well as providing someone controllable, easily influenced, but also easily discarded as need be.  And as is necessary, when there is a female lead who plays the emperor’s wife, there must be an emperor, played by Shin Sung Rok.  An Emperor fully convinced the emperor can do no wrong, and a man you early on are conditioned to hate.  But that’s the beauty of a great drama with a great plot.  There is development, there is change, the characters you watch at the end are not nearly the people you see at the beginning.  The comment that intrigued me enough to start this drama rang true.  The “fragile like glass” female lead becomes a shard in the monarchy’s side.  You see the disgusting face of the royal family that it manages to hide, but now that she’s on the inside she sees that her fantasy happy ending will never happen and thus instead resolves to expose the family for who they are, even if it costs her own life as payment.  It shows you how much they seek to break her that it turns her this way, that she’s willing to go down with the ship, so long as the ship goes down.

But what else that gets me about this plot is that there are so many things lurking beneath the scenes,  as the plot thickens, it also reveals even more of itself.  Certain things begin to make sense, you understand why one character is this way, why another character is that way, why one character does this, or does that.  You learn everyone’s motivations, how everyone is connected to each other, why everything is happening.  And BOY IS THERE A MESSED UP ENTANGLED WEB OF CRAP HAPPENING EVERYWHERE.  And fortunately, the show is 52 episodes, so there is A LOT OF TIME, EPISODES, AND SPACE TO FIT EVERYTHING IN HERE.  There’s a lot to unpack in this plot, to many characters, so many entwined relationships, so many motivations.  But experiencing/enjoying/discovering the plot is part of the enjoyment, so I will not rob you of that, just give you a teaser snippet with this description.  But it’s definitely got an amazing plot.  Plot I’d give a solid….9/10.  It has some parts that honestly feel forced at times, the end wasn’t QUITE what I had hoped it to be, which isn’t a bad thing honestly.

As for the cast, I honestly do not religiously follow actors/actresses although if I recognize someone I am more likely to watch it than if I recognize no one.  I know Jang Nara from watching the korean remake of Fated To Love You and she’s cute, she did a great job in Fated To Love You and I REALLY think she did this part major justice.  She portrays a good naive and kind person, but also portrays the jagged empress that has been broken to the point of retaliation incredibly well as well. I also recognize Lee Elijah, not from anything she’s starred in but from watching Running Man (because i watch a lot of variety shows), so she’s got the recognition factor but definitely showed good character portrayal.  Giving a score for cast has never been my strong suit since honestly I don’t know how I’d give a proper score for it or know what defines a good score?  Is it because you got big names? Is it because whoever you picked played their parts well?    How would you know if they played their parts well? maybe they played their parts well because the story was done well, or maybe it’s the other way around and the cast carried the story to be good through their skill.  Either way though, I’d say the cast for this did really well to portray the story so if I were to assign a score I’d probably give it a 8.5/10, the .5 because i’m flipflopping in my head over whether it’s an 8 or 9.

The OST honestly I don’t think is much to write home about.  Admittedly it’s been a bit of time between the time of me writing this review and the time when I finished the drama, but even then in this time none of the songs stood out to me to really reminisce about or stick in my brain.  That being said, that does not mean the OST/backing music was bad, the opposite actually, I feel from what I remember. thinking that the music fit quite well at least for making me as the viewer feel the proper emotion, and so in that sense, the OST did really what it’s supposed to do. I’ll say 8/10.

As for overall satisfaction, I’d say I’m satisfied with my service (thank you Baymax).  If I didn’t enjoy it, I would not have binged like 5+ episodes a day.  So it’s a pretty easy 9.5/10 on the satisfaction scale, again a .5 because I’m hovering between it being really the ULTIMATE/PERFECT satisfaction (comparing to dramas like Proposal Daisakusen that are solid easily 10/10) and a really satisfying drama.

So where does that leave us on an average score? 8.75/10, which I think I’m ok with rounding up to a 9/10 honestly.  We’ll just say an additional .25 for the intangibles, because this really honestly was a very good series that I highly recommend.  Yes it’s 52 episodes compared to say….a 16 episode series like many KDramas are, but believe me, there’s A LOT that happens in the 52 episodes that you’ll appreciate that they gave a lot of room to allow everything to happen.

The Last Empress

This will be short.  I am binge watching a kdrama for the first time in at least 2 years.  It feels super nostalgic and just progressing through this show has been a blast and i’m not even done with it yet.  Characters are amazing, story is amazing, everything is amazing.

 

That is all.  Thank you.  I will probably write some detailed posts about it as I go along.

The year in summary.

It’s awesome that I have made a grand total of 1 post this year and the next post I make this year is my year in review LUL.  Even though I made a twitlonger (my only one and that’s a link btw :D) on sort of my twitch life in review

However, how has life in review been?

 

Generally more or less I guess I can say this year has been…some levels of struggles.  This is the year I definitely felt I struggled the most in terms of my work.  It’s kind of hard to encapsulize exactly what the issue is but this is the year i struggled the most in terms of things such as hitting production requirements.  You can chalk it up to a bunch of things.  Maybe it’s because I experienced changes in management at work (i got a new supervisor).  Maybe it’s because I took a 1 month vacation in the beginning of the year that started literally 3 days into the last biweek of the quarter and so I had to cram 2 weeks worth of work into 3 days, well more accurately maybe a few weeks since I was behind on production.  Maybe I’m getting complacent at work, or no longer feeling excited/motivated, like some level of ennui.  Maybe it’s because I made some level of attempt to become a consistent twitch streamer.  There’s a lot of reasons maybe, and it’s probably just a combination of all of that.

Irregardless, this is where things kind of stand I guess.  But in the obvious followup question, would I do things differently in hindsight?  Maybe, possibly not since I feel as if I acted this year the way I would have acted irregardless.  Maybe in hindsight I would exert more effort, sacrifice a bit of my own personal goals like twitch streaming/relaxing, with more effort at work.  Maybe I would have passed on taking that vacation at the beginning of the year so that I had the entire 2 weeks to cram all my work in and maybe the train tracks would not have gone towards potential trainwreck that early if at all and throw off the rest of the year.  There are a lot of maybes that I can ask, but there is also the reality that the answer to those maybes cannot change the fact that the events in question have already transpired and thus the answer changes nothing in the current.  Or maybe it does, as it can change my attitudes moving forward.

So in a way, that too is also the entire point of this post, “a year in review”, to review and look to next year.  Additionally, despite everything that happened this year, there is also a ton of stuff that I am proud of.  So this year, much like the others, were full of mistakes, but also full of things I cannot regret.  And so there is no way of saying I want to take this year back, because while I may not repeat the mistakes I made, it is likely I would have made other mistakes instead, and while I might have ended up with other things to be proud of, I remain proud of the things I have managed to accomplish this year.  So it would just probably be a wash haha.

But here’s to 2019, and a continued effort to make each year, each month, each week, each day, something great, or if not great, remember that so that the next day I try to make it up.

 

Hopefyull i will not be as lazy about writing as I currently am, but who am I kidding? I can’t make that kind of promise in good conscience haha

Surprise

I doubt anyone reads this anymore.  Heck I don’t even anymore.  But it’s been almost 2 years since I wrote something here, and it’s very likely been that long since I ever thought about this place.  It’s a recurring running theme at this point that I sound like a broken record about remembering this place and writing a blog post about remembering and using flowery language about reminiscing and such.  That’s basically what this post is going to be able as well xD.

In summary where am I now compared to where I was then?

Still in the same job, still in the same house that I am paying for (#Adulting).  Spending about the same amount of time watching Dramas/Animes now as I did then (basically non-existent).

I have started attempting to twitch stream for funsies.  Because.  yeah.

I shall also end with the list of stuff i’m supposed to be watching/finishing but might never do

• Goblin the Great and Lonely God
• Hyouka
• Little Witch Academia
• All those dramas in the right sidebar

 

the end.  i love you all

Impromptu random KDRAMA related post

It’s 1 in the morning, I’m supposed to be sleeping so I can wake up for work but instead I’m watching the Korean remake of the taiwanese drama Fated to Love You.

And it’s inevitable but because I know how the story goes I cannot help but compare the two.

Essentially Ive jist finished episode 12 and two questions immediately pop into me head. First do they really have to imitate to that level that the BIG climactic emotional moment haopens in episode 12 in both dramas? And next which version did it better, Korea or Taiwan.

To the first question I guess really it’s a good place to have it considering what I know of the story. I will just pass it off as coincidence.

The next question is the one really that’s more fun.  This is probably the third drama I can think of where I’ve seen both remakes of it, the three being Boys Over Flowers, Proposal Daisakusen, and this.  And in all 3 cases I have preferred the original, the first one I watched.  It may be because of rose colored nostalgia glasses but I always looked fondly at them.  Maybe it’s because each time it was the first time I learned the story and the second time it’s no surprise what will happen which maybe takes away from the experuence.

However in this case especially I think that’s not true in my opinion the original presentation of this scene and point in the story far out classes the Korean equivalent.

First the events leading up to it are similar but intensely different. Each is due to misunderstandings of some kind, spurred on by tasteless pinches thrown from a scorbed and jealous ex-gf.  But the taiwanese tied it in much nicer to the story and made it an integral part of the plot progression, in the Korean one it was related and tied but not nearly as tightly and cleanly.  In the taiwanese version when it happens you FEEL it. For one thing the bgm is blaring part of the scene, it sets the tone from the beginning. The actors themselves embodied every emotion they meant for you to feel.  In the taiwanese one you cannot do anything but feel exactly what they intend for you to feel.  It’s not rose colored glasses imo this time because I actually went back and rewatched that scene to see if that’s the case, nope it cuts just as deep then as it does now.

The decision, the ensuing self blame is much more evident and felt. You feel even more because in the taiwanese one it’s more of a misunderstanding, he means well but because of interference his message and intention is muddled and confused,  there is no such equivalent in the Korean one in my opinion. The interference of the scornful ex doesn’t come into play here, more of a stupid misguided intention from the guy.

The decision racks our taiwanese guy much more to my eyes than Mr annoying laugh. You see him anguish more in his decision. The line he delivers is like a stab, amazing but painful to hear. And then the aftermath the difference is clear, in one you see it on their face much more because it’s just a natural progression from everything leading to that point seamlessly and so it serves as just this culminating moment of everything just coming together.  In the other it’s not quite that.  It’s also because in the taiwanese version, the guy is still kind of growing and progressing himself, hasn’t quite actually sorted out his feelings fully whereas in the Korean version he kind of has.

In a way I’m left a bit…disappointed out of nostalgia. Because I viewed the original scene so highly, I put lofty expectations. I guess it’s one pitfall of it being a remake and me knowing the story it becomes me expecting and wondering how they’d present it and inevitably comparing.

I think why I’m disappointed is because I wonder if I had watched it in reverse would I have the reverse opinion, that Korea did it better.  Did I expect too much and not let the scene be what it is? If I watched the korean version would I think it was well done without knowing how it’s counterpart did it?

Maybe that’s why. Because the scene isn’t bad, it’s just that it’s not the taiwanese version.

It’s funny since when I first started watching Asian drama my opinion was that Japanese ones tended to be quote hit or miss and not rrally in between meh, and that Korean dramas seemed to be more consiStent in quality and on average good but taiwanese/Chinese ones seemed to fall short.  However here is the exception example to my previously very immature/premature/naive opinion.

If I were to score the taiwanese I’d give it a 9 (at least I think I rated it a 9 before) but the Korean remake  so far in comparison 12 episodes in seems to be a 7. Acceptable, quite good actually, but feeling at the moment unfortunately like just an imitation rathee than having its own merits to stand on in comparison.

That opinion may change as the drama goes along towards completuon. It’s happened before with proposal daisakusen which I thought would be OK partway through then turned out to be my favorite ever, even the Korean remake. I’m hoping that happens here. I want to be pleasantly surprised so very much and to enjoy this drama for being good because of itself, and not because it was a remake of a drama I feel nostalgic ally is amazing.

Surprise I randomly was watching another Kdrama

No one really knows this, although i’ve mentioned it before, but i’ve had a DramaFever account since they were in beta lol.  Definitely used it while I was working as a mail clerk, because once the daily mail delivery came and I sorted those, usually pretty slow day until I clock out, besides random UPS/FedEx/DHL/whatever other delivery company stopped by and needed a signature for whatever was ordered and dropped off.  Lately I only really use it to watch Running Man episodes/Infinite Challenge, but I guess this drama i finished last week is proof that the ads they now put IN the episode before playing it (so not removed by things like adblock/premium account) work, because I wouldn’t have known/watched it otherwise.

Anyway it was for this drama called Uncontrollably Fond, and it’s the first series in a very long time that i actually watched while it was airing, so it was over a longer period of time where I actually had to wait each week until the next episode aired and was available, which is something I haven’t had to deal with in a while, not that I’ve watched any dramas in a very long time.

If I was to describe this drama to others, it kind of reminds me of Byakuyakou.  The whole plot revolves around hidden crimes, corruption, and trying to discover the truth before the statute of limitations expires.  It’s what drives motivations each way, shapes the relationships and connections between the main characters.  You have the main character who is driven to seek justice, even if it requires unjust means.  You have the almost cliche love triangle rivals for her love, each despising the other and viewing the other as unfit to love the fair maiden, for reasons very personal to said hidden crimes.  You hear a lot of “YOU/I HAVE NO RIGHT TO LOVE HER BECAUSE <insert reason>”.

There’s a lot going on, I almost wished i was as cool as some other blogs that do an episode by episode analysis, as opposed to what i’m doing which is just recapping essentially the entire series from memory, which is harder this time because it’s over a longer period of time because i watched while it aired, versus others where i watch something that’s been out for a while so i usually just binge it.

Also to get it out of the way and settle the elephant in the room, the answer is yes, I watched because Suzy.  But then I got intrigued and felt like I wanted to follow the storyline, because it reminded me so much of Byakuyakou.  The drama first started reminiscent of old Korean Dramas of “reunited old love”, and then they added additional elements to explain the in between from the past to the present.

The story overall had some weird points, but in general seemed to work, flow towards an actual conclusion, and the ending of the drama IMO wasn’t that DRAMATIC/CLIMACTIC, but ended things decently enough I suppose.  Maybe just because I was expecting one thing and another happened, but either way it didn’t make me feel like I had wasted my time on this series.  It was good stuff.

 

yeah.  bye.

Smile kid

i don’t know why the song “Are You Happy Now” by Aya Kamiki randomly popped up into my head.

But it’s a thought i ask myself every once in a while to myself.  Are you happy now?

Every day isn’t rainbows and flowers.  Some days suck, other days are cool.  Some days I give serious consideration as to whether i’m happy, other days it’s not even worth wondering if I am or not.

But I guess thinking on it, even in the hard days, the answer is still yes.  I am happy.  Gradually i’m beginning more and more to base my happiness on others.  Rather than think what do I need to do to make myself happy, what do I need to do for myself, gradually my thoughts turn more towards thinking that seeing others happy does the same to me (and i’m definitely trying to make that more of a habit).

Even if I didn’t, and looked solely inward to define whether i’m happy or not, the answer is still probably yes.  I’m in a place where I can make ends meet.  I’ve started, even if it’s just a little, having to be more of an adult, handle finances in a larger way, be in a situation where i have large expenses that must be paid each month.

Kind of funny and tangential, but recently someone tried to get me to join what basically seemed like a multi-level marketing company.  They tried enticing me with lofty words, “you’ll be able to make your dreams come true, be your own man, your own boss, fire your boss, make tons of money”.  And not to get anime nerdy, but the law of equivalent exchange still applies here, someone’s getting the short end of the stick, and you’re not acknowledging it.  Because my happiness is more and more starting to be in seeing and making those around me better, and honestly I don’t see that happening in some MLM.  It may work for some, but not me.  I think now i can say that I feel more content with where I am, where I am going.

There are bumps in the road, but at least I feel like i’m heading to some destination, and not just racing around a closed loop.

Smile kid, life’s pretty decently good right now